1. “Who is the person who desires life?  Who loves days filled with good?  Guard your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking deceit. Turn from evil and do good. Seek peace and pursue it.”- Psalm 34:13-14

We include this verse in our prayers to remind ourselves of the fundamental importance of watching our words as the foundation of a life of goodness.  We bless our lives and those of others when we use speech to uplift and not to destroy.  Peace in the world begins with peace in our personal relationships.  We read in Pirke Avot- “Be of the disciples of Aaron, loving peace and pursuing peace.” (1:12) May we be blessed to use language as a vehicle towards the creation of harmony.

2. Rav Amram says, ‘There are three sins which no one escapes every day. . . lashon ha-ra.’  Lashon ha-ra!  Rather- the dust of lashon ha-ra.- Baba Batra 165b

We are all familiar with the notion of “lashon ha-ra”, evil, debilitating, hurtful speech.  But what is the “dust” of lashon ha-ra?  This concept refers to all the non-verbal means that we use to convey negativity towards others.  Let us resolve to ensure that not only are our words kind, but that we do not undermine their sweetness by body language that negates our message.

3.    There are 3 crowns- the crown of Torah, the crown of priesthood and the crown of royalty.  And the crown of a good name exceeds them all.- Pirke Avot 4:17

The crown of a good name refers to our ultimate legacy- the example of our lives that stays behind when we leave this earth.  We must guard our own reputations as a most precious reputation, and be especially sensitive to that of others.  Once impugned, it can be daunting to regain our own good name, even if we are exonerated from any accusation.  When in doubt, it is best that we say nothing that might diminish others in the eyes of the world.

4.    If a person has repented it is forbidden to say to them- ‘Remember your early deeds.’- Baba Metzia 58b

It is inevitable that each of us, at one time or other, makes choices of which we are embarrassed. The best that we can do is to atone for our wrongdoing, apologize for and offer restitution to those we have harmed, and resolve to avoid the same poor choices in the future.  Once people have acknowledged and learned from their mistakes, they carry their own sense of regret.  They require no assistance from us to recall the error of their ways. 

5.    Before you criticize someone, ask yourself three questions:  1. How do I feel about offering this criticism? Does it give me pleasure or pain? 2. Does my criticism offer specific ways to change?  3.  Are my words nonthreatening and reassuring“- Rabbi Joseph Telushkin

Offering gentle criticism is a challenging skill, but one that is vital to the maintenance of healthy relationships.  Our tradition suggests that we do our loved ones no favor by questioning their behavior within ourselves, but not providing them feedback on our perspective.  Rabbi Telushkin’s words offer us a good guide when we think that perhaps the time has come to suggest an alternate path to a friend or family member.  We want to ensure that we are always guided by kindness and not by anger or, God forbid, cruelty.

6.    Active listening can offer compassion by taking in a story without passing judgment, by responding to the unspoken questions, and by addressing the questions of identity and purpose.  And more, Buber recognized that we find the divine not in the moment of the ecstatic experience alone but in the simple, daily task of being fully present with others and thereby with God.”- Rabbi Elie Spitz